Yemeni President resents lack of news coverage

A month ago, no one knew who the President of Egypt was, whether he’d been in office for 30 years, 30 months, or 30 days, and – really – that Egypt even had a “President.”* Now, everyone knows that the President was 30 year “incumbent” billionaire Hosni Mubarak, a despised autocrat- and the man who, through his corrupt despotic rule, will soon be known as the catalyst for The Holy Islamic Caliphate of Greater Egypt**.

And how about Libya! Poor Gaffy Duck: the guy renounces terrorism and this is how the West repays him? By backing these seditious bastards who want to “vote”! (“Yechhh: voting is so bourgeois.”) Colonel Gaddafi‘s future self-exile to Saudi Arabia aside, everyone has heard about the fight for “Freedom” (we hope) among common Libyans and it continues to dominate the news. Of course, luckily for the Colonel, one doesn’t really need planes – and apparently he only had 80 – to take back a city from a mötley crüe of disenfranchised bakers, draftees and university students with looted AKs, just as one doesn’t need tanks to successfully take on “militarized” Corollas.

The pro-democratic tumult and consequent balancing of the carrot and stick approach by the a-holes in the “governments” (“ruling regimes,” really) of Syria, Saudi Arabia and even minuscule Bahrain are regularly on CNN, BBC and whatever other news channels you get in your cable package. But not Yemen.

Yemeni President Ali Abdullah Saleh had this to say, “Why no one put Ali in news? Ali beat even Hohhh-snee: 32 years I President! 32!”

While he certainly did beat Hosni’s record as unloved autocratic “President” by a couple years (ruling since 1978), President Saleh has nonetheless seen fit to borrow a page from his ejected contemporary’s playbook with the same predictable results: the average Yemeni protester not being placated by Saleh’s offer to postpone his resignation…until way out in 2013.

“Two, three more years; what the problem?” asked an amiable President Saleh rhetorically. “Ali not such bad guy. Let things simmer, you know? Don’t go to bed angry, I say alwayz.”

Interestingly, while President Saleh seemed relatively cool speaking about his tenuous grip on power, he flared into a raging inferno when the conversation turned to the story’s comparative lack of coverage on the news, “I turn on TV, I no see Ali! I see Hosni, yes, I see the Colonel in Africa- yes, I see, but where Ali? Ali good enough! Where he!? When news lady talk him??”

Rumors abound that the most recent talks between President Saleh and the protesters in Yemen have stalled not due to any issue between them, but until Saleh feels he has satisfactorily seen himself on TV enough.

“Ali go Larry King. Ali go Good Morneeng Amer-ee-ka. Ali go Leno. Ali go Letterman. Ali have many anecdote. Ali interesting dude!” said the embattled President.

“Until then, I kill 50, 100, 1000 bad boys. I do not care. Ali get satisfaction,” vowed President Saleh.

Most nations with running water have issued a travel warning for Yemen.

Go to Florida instead and have a falafel there. No big.

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*Floyd R. Turbo (American!) asks, “Don’t they gotsts a, uh, a Mummy-type King? I mean, um, a, ummm, a ‘Pharaoh?’”

**NATO or whatever ball-less organization representing the West at the time will, of course, provide its obligatory waste of time dithering around with no-fly zones and unenforced “dialogue” deadlines.

***for decades political commentators and analysts have been mystified as to why Gaddafi never promoted himself from the rank of Colonel which he held (legitimately) in the army upon seizing power in 1969.

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