Col. Gaddafi says his troops showing a lot of “hustle”

Given the Libyan rebels‘ recent ultimatum that truce negotiations will only begin once Col. Gaddafi agrees to exile from what has been his personal playground-kingdom since 1969, the mustachioed kelpie continues to send his loyalist military forces against them, despite a storm of NATO air-to-ground missile fire. While a rabble compared to any Western army, his 40,000-odd men are still an effective force and they and their officers have largely remained loyal to their benefactor. Further, the Colonel – who alternately dresses like a gay Banana Republic general, a budget Tony Montana, or the Golden Child (inset) – has augmented them with some-say as many as 25,000 mercenaries from throughout Africa. Unable to break the stalemate and wrest territory back from these pro-democracy dissidents/moslem fanatics-in-waiting either in the west or across a large swath of Libya’s east – stalled as his men are by round-the-clock airstrikes – Gaddafi nonetheless retains control of the capital and several other large cities. Moreover, he has not neglected the perhaps influential factor of “motivation.”

“My boys are really showing a lot of hustle out there,” enthused Col. Gaddafi.

“A lot of heart and a lot of hustle,” continued the reptilian clothes whore, “It’s gonna take a lot of drive and a lot of teamwork to bring this one off. But if my boys have one thing, it’s drive and teamwork. And, of course, heart. …And hustle. Drive, teamwork, heart and hustle.”

The Colonel definitely better hope that the men loyal to his autocratic personality regime have all this and more, because while it is certainly an easy task to hit a 1987 Isuzu TF pickup full of deserters and students with the 73 mm 2A28 “Grom” low pressure smoothbore semi-automatic gun on your BMP-1 infantry fighting vehicle, it is less so when a single Western plane costing more than 10x all of your army’s equipment put together is simultaneously trying to hit you with a Hellfire missile.

Confronted with the decimation of what was his already-initially-pitiful armor, artillery and air power by the NATO air forces overhead, Col. Gaddafi replied, “You’ve got to give 110% in situations like this. 110%. If you fight with hustle and you fight with heart, you’ll post a big ‘W.’”

The dapper Colonel repeated a similar message to his most recent recruits* on a parade ground in Tripoli – where our TTT Foreign Bureau Chief was present as a guest – in an effort to motivate the troops before they were to drive all of 23 minutes west to Az-Zāwiyah to resume fighting the rebels: “Men, you’re gonna have to give 110%” (At this point a NATO bomb exploded nearby) “…OK, maybe 120%. Between 110 and 120. Maybe 130. Between 110 and 130% but certainly no more than 130. In the upper banded region of 110 and 130%.”

Suddenly an interruption emanated from the crowd of sadistic murderers- a shout by a 17 year old Somalian in the front rank – a machete hanging on his hip, ammo belts crisscrossed over a purple tie-die psychedelic t-shirt and a tobacco/heroin/cocaine hand-roll cigarette protruding from his lips – who asked loudly, “Bwana; when we’z gwana paid geht deeze time?? Badda fass’ be’fah’sure, wacal…”

Replied the visionary military genius and perennial People Magazine** Best Dressed List Winner, “You just worry about giving between 110 and 130% and you’ll get paid soon enough.”

This ignited a storm of angry shouts, “Aabahaa was!” “Abahad wasse hooyadaa was!” “Hooyadaa siilkeed!” to which the ever quick-on-his-feet Colonel replied instantly, “Men! Those rebels aren’t alone! Their wives, mothers and sisters are with them! Punish them!! Dirka dirka Allah jihad!!!”

To this exhortation, what had a second earlier been the menacing howls of a pack of rabid dogs about to turn on its owner became a euphoric celebration. After a few moments of insane revelery and wasted ammunition, the motley crue of 500 killers swarmed out of the parade ground gates to resume battle once again.

Said the Colonel, turning to our correspondent, “You see? You can drop a bomb on a tank and you can drop a bomb on a jeep, but you can’t drop a bomb on hustle. Or heart. You can neither drop a bomb on hustle nor heart.”

“…and a little raping never hurt anybody,” he added with a coy froggy smile.

In related news, Col. Gaddafi reports that his “Great Society” initiative is still on hold.

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*psychopathic African (i.e. non-Arab) mercenaries from Nigeria, Mali and Somalia, “being paid about $10,000 (USD) to join up and then I’ve heard they are being told that they will get $1,000 a day to fight.” (source). Another account: “…Chad is leading this group of foreign fighters including citizens from Niger, Mali, Zimbabwe and Liberia who are being paid between $US300 and $US2,000 a day.” (source)

**Libyan edition.

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