Blagojevich and Trump to Debut new Hair-Based Reality Show

Rod Blagojevich, the disgraced ex-Governor of Illinois who tried to sell Obama’s vacant Senate seat to the highest bidder, and Donald Trump, notorious real estate magnate turned cheesy television caricature, have a new show in store for both the full-on-retards – as well as the more discerning functional retards – who watch FOX: America’s Got Pommade.

Based on such terrible community center talent shows or karaoke office parties-turned-television programs such as America’s Got Talent, America’s Best Dance Crew and, of course, contemporary progenitor of them all: American Idol, America’s Got Pommade will feature Rod and Don as judges, overseeing 12 contestants, all American males aged 45 – 60, in a series of challenges to determine which has the best hair.

Every week one contestant is eliminated. So far the show is still in the pre-production phase.

“We plan to, uh, make them do various, exciting hair-related tasks on the streets of Manhattan. Maybe dance a little. We’ll throw a rat or two in there as well, like Omarosa – except with a penis – to shake things up a bit. Watch out for it. Sundays at 8. Number one in its time-slot for sure,” commented the Donald. “In the first episode they get 10 minutes to find the tie that best goes with a comb-over at the Nordstrom’s down on 14th,” he added.

Trump or “Trumpet,” as his close friends call him, developed the program along with Survivor multi-millionaire producer Mark Burnett, who had a hand in The Apprentice. Both were aware that television audiences had grown tired of the “yow fi-ah’d” catchphrase years ago, and that a new recipe was called for.

“Then I said, ‘Hey, our new idea is sitting on your head!’” recalled Burnett.

Trumpet was all-in like a 98% loan-to-value Vegas resort deal, but he needed a co-judge.

“I thought to myself: ‘Who’s the classiest man with the greatest hair out there, other than myself?’” said Donald. “The answer came faster than a classy Croatian escort: ‘Blagojevich.’”

Rod Blagojevich was a natural choice. Besides possessing a veritable man-mane, he has many other endearing qualities. Indeed, his audacity in decrying his guilt for months in the face of overwhelmingly-damning taped evidence – in which he made famous the phrase “pay to play” – was a commendable act of suicidal stubbornness for all those among us who ever took a crap on the kitchen floor and then claimed, “It must have been a burglar!” until our faces were red.

While the two have much in common, their relationship is volatile and should add sparks to the program beyond the contestants’ in-fighting. Donald and Rod reportedly got into a serious scrap already over who gets first billing in the opening credits.

“Don took a swing, but his chest started hurting, and he held out his arm for a time-out.  I went to kick him in the face as he leant over – you know, South Chicago style – but my shoe flew off. We both ended the stupid little fracas before our hair was damaged,” recounted Blagojevich. “But I’m definitely first in the credits,” he added.

Vidal Sassoon could not be reached for comment.

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