Archive for December, 2011

Holocaust denier admits he “likes the concept”

Sunday, December 11th, 2011

Billy Jack Rommel, 34, of Miami, Ohio hates Jews. “Bankers and dentists- the worst people!” he often says to no one in particular, his eyes gleaming with unadulterated hatred. “They love money…and they HATE J-C.”

Usually, his bitter utterances are followed with this fascinating little revelation: “And they planned 9/11!” …How or why “the Jews*” did, Billy is a little vague on.

Most notably of all, however, Billy Jack displays that strange dichotomy that all frothy-mouthed, close-eyed anti-Semites exhibit regarding the Holocaust: the most stringent denial that it happened coupled with a deep adoration of the concept.

“That whole Holocaust thing never ‘appened!” explains B-Jack, discursively painting a weak picture of a massive PR stunt involving millions of people. “Zionist hoax. Them yids, see, them yids wants ya ta’PITY’em. That’s the thing of it, ya see. So they made up this whole gas oven story during DubyaDubyaTwo, ya’understand.”

Even shown pictures of Dachau and Auschwitz, including ones clearly illustrating hundreds of bodies, Billy Jack was able to shrug them off. “Ya call this evidence? Thems coulda been anyone. It was a WAR. Hello? Hell- that one right there’s a mannequin, I tell you whut. I use ta’work at JC Penney and I knowz a mannequin when I seez one.”

Given a moment to think, unmolested by questions, one could literally see the strain in BJ’s fiery eyes as the rusty cogs of his thought process ground away behind them…”But imagine how many of’em you could get in that there oven,” he whispered, tapping one of the photos. “Woooh-hee. If only we’d finished’em off.”

Called to account on his transparent admission, Billy Jack was quick to backpedal: “Naw, naw I mean hypothetical like, ya’see. Ya. Didn’ ‘appen ya’understand. Hitler even had a dog. Golden retriever by my rekollekshin’. So it didn’appen. They justs wants tha’ pity fur’it. ….But if it had, uh, if it had, uh…it’a’d been nice if they’d got’em all.”

For more of Billy Jack’s insights on the falsity of the Holocaust or any other massive historical event that didn’t happen, please visit the Wapakoneta Waffle House just off Route 75 during regular business hours.

He’s there most days.

*a collective group – despite their apparent variety – all cooperating behind the scenes towards realizing their one overarching, secret goal of world domination…or something.

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